boys suck

soo..
im sitting in speech class right now.. listening to informative speechs.. well kinda listening.. i have been preoccupied with the computer in front of me. i mean hell im typing this.. gahh.. well i think my teacher is calling class early becaues she has to go to pittsburg for going a funeral.. and i dont have class on thursday thank friggen god.. im excited.. my chem professor is not going to be here as well.. however he is being an ass and making us come to class none the less.. but he pushed back the paper

HELL YEA!

ne way... why are boys such asses... honestly.. i have been basically telling this guy since like the beginning of this year that i like him.. and i finally got it out of him that he has no intentions of dating.. or looking at me as anything other than a friend.. but he was hugging me, and hanging on me, and he kissed me as well. i just didnt know what to think.. he just confused the hell out of me...

so i went and talked to him afterwards.. and basically told him i was happy that i found out before i could really get hut thank god.. and i left.. leigh took me to wa ho.. it was nice..

shelly is leaving im sad about that.. but oh well. i understand why she is leaving. i wish she wasnt tho.. but she wants nothing to do with jason... he is an ass. but she looked out for me.. like i shared with her what the guy said to me and she was like do not mope.. dont show him that you are sad.. or anything.. and i havent so its all ok.. not like i would have cried anyway.. but i am seriously thinking about looking around for a girl.. i have had enough with boys.. i say that.. but meh.. i watched afi-i heard a voice.. and it cheeered me up. i sang along with every song it was amazing.. and when i get out of tv production i am going to go to wally world with leigh and we are going to get out nails done it is pretty spiffy...

then i think i am goign to watch nightmare before christmas...

oh buggar

ok, so i am sitting here in television production class.. and he is teaching us how to upload a video and change it to flash... kinda intresting but it is taking forever to load..
i have been having some really weird dreams lately.. its kinda scary.. like dreams about my wedding..and there was a certian guy in it.. and i really dont care for him.. its strange..i havent been having really weird stuff before i go to bed so i have no idea what it is..

ne way.. we are messing around with i-movie and i kinda really dont wanna mess arond with it im watching scott do everything. its intresting.. but

omg this weekend me and jenn are going to go out and take pictures this weekend go on like an adventure. pretty cool... i think im gonna try and get out a camera.. so we can tape us running around taking pictures.. i am also gonna get it out later and me leigh and jenn and we are gonna do like a dance thingie.. pretty fun.. its going to be going onto youtube.. i think we are gonna dance to walk it out and some others.. pretty fun..

well i should really be paying attention... byes!

oh for fucks sake

god this is going to be really emo....

why the fuck does my mum treat me like im five. i am almost 20 for fucks sake. i told her today that i wasnt going anywhere for thanksgiving. i wanted to stay home and not do anything, i think im going to a friends house for thanksgiving dinner, but other than that i dont wanna do anything. dad is going to texas and mum when she found out i wasnt going was like then come the flordia with me.. we will only go for like 3 days wed to fri.. and i was like no i dont want to. she is like " i feel used. when it comes to getting things you care, but when it comes time to spend it with family you want nothing to do with us." im like im sory you feel that way it was not ment to be taken that way..

sometimes my sister is treated more like an adult than i am and she is fucking 11... it just pisses me off. am i still going to be treated like a kid when i get married? and (possibly) have my own fucking kids.. are they gonna be treated more like adults than i am.. omg.. i am just soo pissed at her..

then she asked where i planned on staying caues apperntly i am not allowed in her house caues shes not going to be there, caues shes in flordia so im not welcome there, and appaerntly im not welcome in my fathers home either becaues he is going to be gone as well.. so basically i have to get a hotel room or shack up with some friends.. im 19 almost 20 for fucks sake.. it is just starting to piss me off to no end..

not that she can speak for my dad anyway.. when he found out he was like "oh ok ur not going.. alwrite, but you will be taking care of the dogs and the fish.. " thats all he said to me.. but mum is like freakign out.... gahhhhhhhhhh

im sorry i'll stop on my emo ranting... fucking bitch.. thats what she is.. whatch her find this... hahaha

some poems.. or just ramblings

here are some poems..
they aren't really deep.. just mindless stuff... ne way...


HATE-LOVE
both four letter words
but opposites
and each mean so much...
they both can
make...
or
break someone
predgious stems from love and hate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does this world bring so much hate
to repeate the black eyed peas
"Where is the love?"
everything brings hate
why not bring love
-but they cant coinside
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we are but puppets on strings
put on display for everyone to see
we have perfect lives
we are perfect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the patterns form trees
beautiful but sad
they know why you cry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A flower
such a delicate thing
beautiful yet easily
manipulated
change the color of the water
the petals change that color
petals strong yet delicate
can withstand rain, sleet, hail, snow
but touch them
they wither and die

that stupid game
he loves me
he loves me not
odd number petals
always not
even
nothing is ever even
in this life

Nothings ever fair
not allowed to lvoe
easily manipulated
either by people
or laws set down

society's against flowers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok im done....

Booga!

ok, so i guess i could post some of my old poems on here. that pic is from scotland and it just makes me laugh..
why do people smoke.. i mean i know i do.. but its still very rare that i do.. why do we pick it up in the first place.. it makes no sence.. its bad.. look at all the evidence.. and yet we still do it.. the same with drinking.. gahhh.. vices vices.. gotta love them

on the other hand there are two movies out that i really wanna get.. Velvet Goldmine and Live Freaky, Die Freaky.. i want i want i want.. oh well when i get some moeny possibly.. im gonna have to order it online.. damnit sometimes i wish i had a debit or a credit card..

but i would get into too much debit.. so we arent going there...

i guess my next post will be tomarrow.. or later today.. we shall see what i can dig up..

School

ok.. so.. school has started and my mother is getting out of control.. she is freaking out on me. i had the car for the week so i could go see a concert and she flips out and says im lying to her.. not true..oh well.. shes just getting mad at every little thing right now and she might even pull me out of school if she finds out im doing bad. if she finds out i have another job.. oh crap.. all hell will break loose..

im not quite sure what else to write.. i guess that i met and made a new friend yesterday.. his name is derek.. and hes from school. very sweet guy like placebo as well.. wich is kick ass. and i think another kid likes me as well.. but whatever..